Undeniable

"on the day you die,you should donate that brain of yours to science" - kai.by far this was the best compliment a guy can ever give to another guy.might sound a bit morbid but hey,i appreciate the whole sincerety behind it.well,the reason behind the whole sms,i received from my brudder,kai,was a simple affair.i shared with him,a simple concept which i thought would be beneficial.i guess,he duly appreciated  the simple,yet ingenius,way of how i perceived things.hakz!which brings me to a very apt subject…creativity.

someone once asked me if creativity was a nurtured or inborn trait.somehow,people always have this perception that i am a creative freak in a way.although,i truly appreciate the acknowledgement…silently within,i know that,being creative does not come naturally.it is a result of concerted efforts.people who know me,are very well aware that i am well adept at drawing cartoons.in fact i am able to draw comic characters with my eyes blindfolded.seriously.this is not an effort to showboat a talent but to highlight a very poignant point that,talents are sometimes developed,not inborn.i still remember,the hours i put in when i was a kindergarden kid,in actually drawing line by line of comic book characters i traced.everytime i came back from school,i will just have myself seated in the hall with a jotter book,and a comic book,and dilligently tracing them.i proceeded to draw the characters on a free hand basis and over years,the skills got better.to those who actually saw me draw at a later age,it might seem to be a natural trait.but it’s not.i’ve been said to have natural artistic talent.for your info…i failed my O level arts.heeee.

my handwriting has been likened to a girl’s.neat and tidy.haha.if only anyone knew,how my knuckles were constantly knocked or caned by my late uncle,for everytime my handwriting was out of sync.if my "A" did not look right,i was made to write that letter a 100 times.seriously.once again,did this come naturally?inborn?nope…it was painful practice.

my literary expressions a natural affair?how far from the truth it is.it’s a matter of applying what i have read over the years.those who know me,are aware of just how an avid reader i am.i’ll die without anything to read.i’ve got this fetish for words.in fact i still practice this ‘kiddish’ habit of opening my dictionary almost every night before i sleep,to note down mentally the meaning of 5 new words i have never used before.sometimes,people are irked with my usage of words,thinking that i am just trying to be a linguistic airhead.but i am not.i just wanna experiment with any words worth the salt.someone once gave me this useful mantra which i hold true sometimes…"you can judge the success potential of a man,by listening to his vocabulary".it was given by my secondary school,literature teacher.an australian bloke.he was also the one who gave me the self belief when he told me this…"on that stage platform,the world is yours.people may not like what you say,but if you have to say it,say it for what it’s worth.in this world,the only way you can ever be unhappy,is by trying to please everyone,except yourself."how true.

my probable guess when it comes to women telling me that i am a bit of a creative person is only because,some people in their lives are not applying themselves fully.without any disrespect to any guys in particular,i just wanna express my frustration with the fact that sometimes,guys do act complacent.i am firmly with the belief that most of the times,the things that i did or planned to do,which are deemed creative,are actually simple things,any other guys can do…if only they take the extra effort.yes…that "if" is a very big word to use here.so guys,who come up to me and say…"jaz,you are creative with all this.i just do not have that creative capacity within me."it is seriously not the case.guys perhaps do not see the desperate need to sit down and just think.not think of stupid things.

you know how i came about being the thinking sorta person.simple.i was a nerd in school last time.a social misfit.i did not see myself as that sorta person,a girl would even give a second look.(even till now)i took that as a personal disadvantage.so i applied myself in areas where i saw myself being better.reading…drawing…writing…doing things…and some other things.i did not try at areas like dancing,singing…or kissing.i just tried at simpler things.now,if you were to put yourself in my position,where you knew that trying to get someone’s attention would require a greater amount of effort,would that not require some thinking out of the box scenarios coming into the equation?if a handsome,cool guy can clinch the girl by just proclaiming his affections,i would have to write those same words onto the petals of a rose,to even get the girl’s attention.no kidding.that was how bad my self perceptions were.when the guy buys a card…i make the effort to make one.over time…the thinking process became developed and i naturally began to think that,even the smallest,insignificant things need to be given a thought.i do not know if this is a bad trait to develop,but i seriously am not complaining.there are times when a simple dinner becomes elaborate…just because i wanted to just think about it.my personal view,is always about making that particular moment count.so being creative is seriously about taking the effort.i am not saying that being creative is easy…but it needs to start somewhere.this particular section of paragraph is intended for the guys.seriously.women deserve all the accolades,attention and special moments,we ought to think up for them.i have this bit of disagreement when special women individuals are given a normal treatment of being loved.yeah…they may not be complaining…but…just on integrity sake guys…treat them like queens or princesses.these same individuals are the ones who are gonna be your backbone in your later years.

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the guys and myself went for a rare night outing yesternight.a place named double o,up at mohamad sultan.i cannot exactly put to words what exactly it was…but i felt a bit sick,with certain things,when i got home.my mind was clearly disturbed.

facts i learned about myself.

• i have zero tolerance for drunk girls
• i have this niggling guilty feeling…of knowing that i should not be there…something along the lines of,while a loved one is asleep at home,i’m there?i know.sounds silly.whatever.
• i have no qualms about pushing away a drunk girl who grinds her ass up my crotch,when i am leaning against the wall.it’s darn painful,idiot.hakz!
• i claim no responsibility over the manhandling a drunk woman receives from cheap jerk asses.
• i have no sympathy for a girl who gets drunk and puke all over herself.
• i hope yakult or vitagen will be served in the future for women who clearly have no sense of alcoholic gauge barometer

okie,i’m being cruel here but,seriously…there is a bitter taste left in my mouth,upon observing certain things.Lord knows,just how many drunk women are literally hauled up by cheap jerkasses,after a night out…for a romping session.i am not kidding.there was this particular incident when i got out of the toilet and 3 cheap jerkasses actually tried to help a helpless drunk woman to her feet.this is what they said in direct translation…

"hey,she’s drunk man!let’s get her back at my home and we can have a session of s***wing!"

oh my God!i may not be that much of an angel myself…but that was too much.there is no sense of dignity in picking up a drunk girl,you cheap jerkasses!but at the same time,the sense of empathy,that woman deserved,was void within me.she probably deserved that session if Luck had its way.i am fine with a woman enjoying herself…but i’ll draw the line on her getting drunk.

but on the whole…being a guys night out.it was fun.my brudder kai was enjoying himself.i love it when i see him dance.still remember that night,during our secondary school camp,when the both of us just broke into an impromptu dance which got a rousing applause.both of us have that quirky amount of groove in us.kai has this recent distinct dancing move which i kinda quite noticed recently.a mixture of sean paul+elvis+tom jones+mr bean.it’s not an ugly sight,believe me.i’ve seen my fair share of stylish looking guys,dance with two left feet.my brudder kai,dances well…in a natural sense of way.it’s just natural groove thingy.he was hogging the platform…what else can i say?hahah.

the other brudder kay and myself are those sorta idiotic prickheads who sit down,smiling and enjoying our quiet sessions of philosophical insights.yeah.idiotic.kai aptly described us…"masyarakat penyayang"…"loving society" sorta guys.cannot help it.firstly,both of us…are just the sorta people who have no capacity to go up and dish out a line,whatever it may be.herman,another idiotic pal of ours.took a swipe…"quit that one woman man concept."hahaha.i laughed at that notion.there was a funny brudderly moment when kay held me by the shoulders and said something along the lines…"we both know what we are both working towards to,so maybe we should let ourselves loose tonight…etc"hahaha.i laughed at the notion too.it was idiotically funny.it sounded funny,coz there was a tinge of conscience ringing in there.but our glorified moment,which both of us acknowledege,was the fact that there was this chinese and malay girl who clearly flirted with us.it was evidently observed by the others too though.the most sickening thing was,kay and myself did not bother to reciprocate eventhough,these two girls deliberately moved across the floor,and danced right in front of us,while the both of us were seated.i do not know about kay…but i was too much of a chicken to do anything.i’m embarassed.gimme a stage platform with 2000 audience and i will hold my stand and give an eloquent speech.gimme a girl to ask for her name in a club…and i’ll pee in my pants.haaaaaaa.anyway,these girls clearly got sick of playing the teasing game…coz they went away after half an hour of gyrations.heeee.i am not proud of this…just amused.

later in the car…kay and myself agreed.we are too much of a lightweight in the clubbing scene.our ala romantic,sweep the girl off her feet concept,will never work in our favour.okie…dammit.i’m just fixated on one…hahahahaha.kill me.i’ll only dance with summer…bluweeeeeeeeek!hahahaha.

speaking of which…i am beginning to religiously listen to the song by Aslyn,entitled "When I Love You",every morning…it is so sweet.agreed by a few of my dear friends.and yes,i do mean the words literally.

i got back home from my soccer session earlier in the evening with lukman.i have to mention that i admire lukman’s marriage dynamics.i’ve always wanted to be like him,as a father,husband and son in law.he’s a doting father…with 3 kids.lovely and intelligent kids i must say.he has a maid to take care of these kids.as a husband,he is clearly attentive of his wife’s needs and whims.it helps that his wife whom i know personally too…is one hella woman.independent and yet so loving.every friday,while lukman is out for his soccer sessions,the wifey will be shoping with a colleague in town and lukman will head to fetch his wifey home after our soccer session.sweet man.simple family with lotsa love.and they love travelling.that’s the best thing.i realised that he actually has been an extended family of mine.cool.i like the whole positive picture of how a family ought to be,is portrayed aptly by lukman’s.and lukman is very much the young at heart kinda character…

on this final note…i love Life even more nowadays.i have so many bright things to look forward to."Turn Me On"…hehehehe.i am planning for another small retreat…kiss me…squeeze me…caress me…hakz!

ps:between a glass of vodka and a glass of teh tarik…i prefer the latter.heeee.i enjoy guy’s company.oh yeah…did i mention that,i got lotsa lingering smiles from unknown guys at that place.haaaaaha.someone did the noticing for me.malay peepz are rich cheap jerkasses.they can afford a $20 bucks cover charge,yet stumble on a $20 monthly premium for their financial plan.gosh!i cannot relate the connections…yet.whatever makes them happy.

This entry was posted on Friday, January 6th, 2006 at 11:40 am and is filed under Inside that mind of mine.. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.