Undeniable

Nothing beats the comfort of my home sweet home.A long cold shower did one hell of a good for me.Now,I am just a lil’ bit afresh to start writing my thoughts.

The day started in typical fashion as I went over to a client’s place over at Boon Lay to collect a policy book.Just for irrelevant sake,I manage to catch a glimpse of my client’s daughter who had days earlier been involved ina short liaison of ’smses affair’.Nothing scandalous.Just amusing.It went like,

Daughter:Abang Jaz,Mam asked if you are coming over?

Me:Yups.Question.Why are you calling me abang?How old are you?

Daughter:I am 15 years old.Why?Wanna sound me as your steady?

Me:~blank~

I swear that this exchange of smses occured just two days ago.Sigh.What is the world coming to?A 15 year old nymph,taking a cheeky dig at a true man like me.Anyway,she did smile when I kinda just glanced at her.Sweet…(I’m not sick,you idiot!)

Proceeding to Orchard Cineleisure was a breeze since I took the cab.My brudder took the liberty to book a pair of tix for the weekend preview of "Doom",the movie.It was purely,male testeroned,adrenalin pumping and senseless plotting kinda movie.I strongly recommend that a guy brings his girlfriend to this particular movie,only on the pretext of being an idiot.Coz,I foresee no way,a girl will be impressed with this particular choice of movie.As a girl,I will not use,watching some bloke shooting aliens,as a legitimate reason to schreech and hug my date.Anyway,there was a couple in front of us,lovingly putting each other’s head on another’s shoulder.Only problem was…they were both guys.Mardi Gras anyone?

The highlight of the particular evening was,the planned ‘breaking fast’ session with my alma mater of secondary mates.Kai and I were particularly looking forward to this meet up as it always gives us the opportunity to kinda update us with the happenings and non happenings,of our friends.Kai and I were dressed alike today."Hitch" like.You know…jeans with shirts kinda thingy.We felt good about ourselves today as we were convinced that we were looking particularly good too.Waahahahahaha.Vanity exists in geniuses.

The eating session was pretty normal by standards.Nothing spectacular.Peepz who were present included,

• Asra and girlfriend
• Hanafi
• Suniyati
• Ramzan and son
• Erwan and wife and son
• Kai and himself
• Me and myself

It has always been that way.As I observe the peepz who were carrying their child,namely Ramzan and Erwan…I could not help and just smile to myself silly.These were the same silly bunch of guys,who years ago,cracked me up with their antics.And now,they are well married…and bearing kids.Gosh.How Time flies.It was a pondering moment.A Kodak moment if I must say.A part of me says…

"It’s lovely…"

A part of me says…

"It’s scary…"

Hehehe.I guess,the whole insightful point to note was…I will be married and I will strive to make it a Kodak moment for myself too.Me…my wife…my kids…simple.

Point to note too.Do not bring your kids for shopping.At least not when your wife is not around.The importance of a wife was highlighted today…you cannot leave home without them.Erwan’s wife was a picture of calm and sweetness.The way she carried the child…sweet.I could not help but marvel at the proportion of manliness aura emitted from the husbands in my midst.Kai and me as usual were…taking our customary digs at Asra.Poor guy.Even after years of not seeing us…he is still subjected to my neverending barrage of sick insinuations.There is nothing particularly wrong with that guy.He is a great bloke.I just love taking sniperish potshots at him.Wahahahaha.The girlfriend was pretty cool too.Never did she flinch and wince,at seeing how her beau was being ‘fried’ alive in my presence.

Suniyati made a coy remark…"You are still as cocky as ever…"

Says a lot huh?Waahahahaha.I am not cocky.Assured is a more appropriate term.How can I not be assured?I have a bigger goal in life,awaiting.Is that not a reason to be affirming my existence with.Cockiness are for male chauvinistic pigs…who believe that the Sun revolves around them.Mine is just a fine line.I have no worries about being cocky.I have someone,who knocks my head…when I even try to show glimpses of it.

Kai and me headed to Orchard after our Geylang rendezvous.Had coffee at Coffee Bean,Borders.Was a nice session of analysing and reflecting.To start off with…we were discussing about our newfound passion.Learning how to be a Man,that is.Here is the history…

I had been surfing about a month ago and stumbled upon this wonderful webbie entitled AskMen.com.It was a godsend.Not only did the weebie helped me in striving to be from an underachieving bloke to an overachieving one…the lessons learned there was valuable.Anyway,I did one of their online survey,and my score read that I was at best a mediocre dater.Sad huh?But hey….being mediocre is great.Just means that there is an even greater potential to learn,apply and succeed at being THE GUY.Waahahahahaha.My objective in going through all these?To be a better man for my sweetheart.Period.Nope…no intentions of being a "player".(And yes…I am not crossing my fingers,you freak!)

Was about to leave for home after the coffee thingy,when suddenly yours truly,came up with a silly idea of just dropping by BarNone.Nothing sinful occured.Just two glasses of PussyFoot…great bistro music…and watching people.No dance…no watsoeva bullshits.Plainly innocent.The regular peepz there,namely the servers and the resident band…were a welcoming lot.Always felt at home there.Hisyam and Is…(the servers)…took a mocking jibe at me for ordering,such a wussy kinda drink.PussyFoot,is orange juice with a cup of milk in it….with a red cherry on top.Waahahahahaha.I tried highlighting to them that I was driving…like as if.Wahahahaha.But,they nodded in agreement when I said that it was just a chill out night.Nothing spectacular that would have warranted an expensive drink anyway.PussyFoot costs 11 bucks a glass.And it is merely orange juice.Music was great…

It was girls galore on the dance floor.No guys were even evidently seen.I was just interested in the music…gosh…how I wish I can just have the stage to myself,belting hits after hits….with girls just falling at my feet like flies.Wahahahaha.My mind was totally engrossed in my smses exchanges though.Nothing like great,perky smses,to lighten up a day.Awwww…

Normal things ensued.Malay guys picking fights with Caucasian guys…gorgeous girls dancing with not so gorgeous guys…me drinking PussyFoot silly…Kai tapping his feet to the rythm,coz his busted knee joints click in unison whenever he attempts to dance…me drinking PussyFoot silly…me singing to myself…me smiling to men…me drinking PussyFoot silly…I realised…it is all bout PussyFoot tonight.The name sounds crude.

Saw an S-League footballer attempting to swoon his way into,Malay girls’ hearts.It dawned on me…how pathetic things are sometimes.Girls…if you are impressed by the impressions of a footballer’s life being impressive,here is a lowdown…you are absolutely right!Just take a note…impressions fade.Just like their career,or moments of glory.Temporary.Besides,in an environment,where girls might just subconsciously tell themselves that they are sleeping with footballers…the fact is,the number of girls to them are synonymous to the number of goals they scored.Once again…this is a personal view.No generalisation.Specifics.At the end of the day…hotties who roam the clubs in search of these sorta ‘trophy’ guys,do take note…it’s all about the numbers game.

Well…had a great day by a typical standard.Nothing fanciful.Just a Sunday.

ps:

How do you know that a professional footballer had just stepped into a club?

Answer?

All the amateur girls start doing stepovers on the dancefloor.

There is something blatantly wrong with our peepz.I mean,discounting the fact that not many are actually pious Malay-Muslims,is asking to be moderate just too much?As funds are being spent needlessly on the "Respect Ramadhan" campaign,we have the gracious generosity of our own peepz,just tarnishing the whole image of what a mediocre Malay-Muslim should be.I laugh at the image of a group of "visionary","dynamic","new-age" and "moderate" Malay-Muslim peepz indulging in the flavours of an afternoon lunch.Well,why bother with all this perpetual need to make the other races understand our culture and religion?Why not just send this groupies of "Malay Ambassadors".I am not generalising.This is a specific message for the groupies who clearly has no sense of respect or regard for Ramadhan.Well,groupies…the day you find yourself in an old folks’ home,waiting for the prayer call to be heard over the radio…you guys will know what I mean.And this…is a reminder for myself too.

On a good note…I had a fantastic day.Played arcade at Bugis by myself.Sounds childish huh?But if anyone wanna know a secret to success,let me share it with you here,exclusively…for free.

Success tip #1

• Engage in an arcade game once in a while.Reason being,having someone on the opposite side of the arcade machine gives that perspective of being challenged.Most of the time you will not know who the hell your challenger is.Now,if you were to play against him,lose and you pack up and leave…chances are,you are indeed a big time loser.The key to success is about perseverance.Thus the amount of tokens you actually changed in order to beat him for just once,is tantamount to the amount of effort you need to put,in order to be a winner.Arcade game challenges are addictive.I lost count of the number of tokens,my challenger put in just to beat me today.I knew I was good…but that good?Orgasmic proportions.Wahahahaha.

Was supposed to attend my agency meeting at 11 am today.As expected,I did not bother to turn up.Now before,any virtuous person try to preach yours truly,let me just make a statement,"They deserved it!"Yeah,I had the personnel there all calling me and messaging me,querying my ‘disappearance’.I was never bothered to make myself available for the barrage of questions.Ignorance was bliss today.

Being made the apparent scapegoat of an agency’s dismal performance,when I am rightfully the only working individual,is unfair.I refuse to take the pressure in this manner.Management lessons some people must learn…

• Never question a self driven,motivated and visionary associate member,of his bold plans to tackle a challenge.
• Never doubt the person’s integrity,when he takes a path less travelled.
• Never spoonfeed your associates with indulgence,and criticise the one who wants to make it,on his own.
• "Kampung Spirit" stays only in a ‘kampung’.People do not go far with that mentality.Ask ‘Bujang Lapok’.
• When your challenges are always won by the same individual,most of the time,it is either there is something wrong with the proposed challenge,or the challengers’ non existence.
• Ethics and morality exists only in heaven.On earth,it’s called,ideals.
• Never…ever…ever…ever…treat everyone as equal.Equality creates a balance.Balance creates complacency.Complacency creates stagnantion.Stagnantion breeds dengue mosquitos.Dengue mosquitos bite.Bites create fever.Fever results in death.Period.

If my manager is Donald Trump,I suggest she fire herself."I’m fired?!"

If I am Donald Trump,I will fire the whole agency staff and put in the Girl Guides.They can sell cookies.My personnel?I doubt so.

Bought a book entitled,"Thick Face,Black Heart".I scoured the whole of MPH and bought it at Times.The last copy.This book is an essential reading man.I borrowed it from the library a few years ago and found it engaging.The last few days had left me discouraged and despaired.I needed to find a source of principles to adhere and apply.The book was the remedy.The general philosophy of this book is,"Be a warrior.If you have to kill,kill.Morals are expectations people expect of you.Why succumb to others’ expectations at the expense of your own success?"What a book!

I had a discussion the other night about wives…(not again)…wahahahaha.I managed to refine it to another sweet level…

• My wife has a life of her own.Meaning,that I would expect her to have a healthy group of social circle to interact and mingle with,on her own free time.Simply put,someone with a dosage of zest for everything else except me.I figured that,it is not fair to make marriage be a binding proposition,where areas of Life needs to be compromised.I’ve always believed,that marriage is about two unique lives,fusing together for an even unique fulfillment,without shortchanging any aspects of that individuality.Confusing?Simple what.If I go for my soccer sessions on a Sunday,I will want my wife to be spending my money shopping for lingeries,with her friends.Waahahahahahaha.That is married life for me.
• My wife is a cool educator for kids.I love kids.I have this personal wish that my kids go through a playful and fun childhood.The stress and routine lifestyle of Singaporeans worry me.I do not wish to have my kids be subjected to a rigid  lifestyle of conformist attitude.Kids play to learn.Adults should learn to play.I do not understand why I am frowned upon when I say that I watch cartoons religiously.If Spongebob Squarepants gives me the added motivational perspective I need…who needs a discouraging manager.My wife plays a big part in this moulding stage.She will have to be synchronised with me in the play aspects of my childrens’ developments.I’ll splurge toys and games on them.My wife will be the one who provides the needed balance,without the regimental restrictions,though.I have a soft spot for kids.I cannot scold them.I’ll leave that to my wife…but she has to understand that play…is still the best form of education.Like children,like their daddy.Heeeee.

What makes an excellent wife?

• Someone who chose me as her best man in her Life,yet I’ll always feel that I can be a better man,for her.
• Someone who trashes,me…literally.Hehehe.Kidding.Trashes anything shitty,through an open and consultative communication approach.There is nothing that cannot be solved…almost.Ideally…argue…discuss…make up…make out…make love…wahahahahaha.Cool huh?
• Someone simple.Dressing wise…speech wise…personality wise…thinking wise.I’ve always had this thing for a woman who treats coffeeshops like their spa sanctuary.Okay,that’s exaggerating.But seriously.If that woman makes me feel simple at the same times that she is…that is divine man.
• Someone animated.Not cartoon like idiot!Someone who expresses herself well.She need not say anything.Just wave her arms in frustration.I understand body languages.
• Someone who knows that,in sharing a Life together,challenges are learning opportunities to grow.The moment,there are no avenues for self growth,things plateau.And that is sucky.So…she needs to understand the importance of self rejuvenation.If my wife thinks she is good,her kids will always believe that she can be excellent.That same expectation will come from me too.But it’s a gentle,endearing and loving expectation.

Why am I going into specifics?Pay attention to the details.Small mistakes add up quickly.

In a few hours time,I will be meeting up with my secondary school pals for a breaking fast session.Reunions are always inspiring.You cannot help but compare notes.Waahahahahaha.One thing is for sure.Me and my brudder kai will neither be married nor engaged…like some of them are.I am not being biased.Just factual.Kai and me,had been going to this kinda things in the company of each other.You know why I know they know,that Kai and me are gays?I don’t know.They know I guess.

I bought three Giordano T-shirts.I had bought more clothes this year compared to the last three years,combined.Vanity has engulfed yours truly.Waahahahaha.Cannot help it.In direct competition with Taufik.

ps:I am gonna burn November.It’s gonna be one hot month man!Two things will matter…

• Soccer
• Money
• Holidays

Okay that’s three.I failed my maths in secondary…nobody told you?

"Leaders are those who initiates and assumes the responsibilities.Cows are those he is leading."- Success Quotes For the Rich and Rude by Hijazi

Don’t Hope, Friend… Decide!
– By Michael Hargrove

While waiting to pick up a friend at the airport in Portland, Oregon, I had one of those life changing experiences that you hear other people talk about. You know, the kind that sneaks up on you unexpectedly? Well, this one occurred a mere two feet away from me! Straining to locate my friend among the passengers deplaning through the jetway, I noticed a man coming toward me carrying two light bags. He stopped right next to me to greet his family.

First, he motioned to his youngest son (maybe six years old) as he laid down his bags. They gave each other a long, and movingly loving hug. As they separated enough to look in each other’s face, I heard the father say, "It’s so good to see you, son. I missed you so much!" His son smiled somewhat shyly, diverted his eyes, and replied softly, "Me too, Dad!"

Then the man stood up, gazed in the eyes of his oldest son (maybe 9) and while cupping his son’s face in his hands he said, "You’re already quite the young man. I love you very much Zach!" They too hugged a most loving, tender hug. His son said nothing. No reply was necessary.

While this was happening, a baby girl (perhaps one or one and a half) was squirming excitedly in her mother’s arms, never once taking her little eyes off the wonderful sight of her returning father. The man said, "Hi babygirl!" as he gently took the child from her mother. He quickly kissed her face all over and then held her close to his chest while rocking her from side to side. The little girl instantly relaxed and simply laid her head on his shoulder and remained motionless in total pure contentment.

After several moments, he handed his daughter to his oldest son and declared, "I’ve saved the best for last!" and proceeded to give his wife the longest, most passionate kiss I ever remember seeing. He gazed into her eyes for several seconds and then quietly said, "I love you so much!". They stared into each other’s eyes, beaming big smiles at one another, while holding both hands. For an instant, they reminded me of newlyweds but I knew by the age of their kids that they couldn’t be. I puzzled about it for a moment, then realized how totally engrossed I was in the wonderful display of unconditional love not more than an arm’s length away from me. I suddenly felt uncomfortable, as if I were invading something sacred, but was amazed to hear my own voice nervously ask, "Wow! How long have you two been married?"

"Been together fourteen years total, married twelve of those." he replied without breaking his gaze from his lovely wife’s face.

"Well then, how long have you been away?" I asked. The man finally looked at me, still beaming his joyous smile and told me, "Two whole days!"

Two days?! I was stunned! I was certain by the intensity of the greeting I just witnessed that he’d been gone for at least several weeks, if not months, and I know my expression betrayed me. So, I said almost offhandedly, hoping to end my intrusion with some semblance of grace (and to get back to searching for my friend), "I hope my marriage is still that passionate after twelve years!"

The man suddenly stopped smiling. He looked me straight in the eye, and with an intensity that burned right into my soul, he told me something that left me a different person. He told me, "Don’t hope friend…decide." Then he flashed me his wonderful smile again, shook my hand and said, "God bless!". With that, he and his family turned and energetically strode away together.

I was still watching that special man and his exceptional family walk just out of sight when my friend came up to me and asked, "What’cha looking at?" Without hesitating, and with a curious sense of certainty, I replied, "My future!"
_______________________________________________________________________________________

Why a story today jaz?

Basically,I am in the midst of preparing my speech for later.I needed a compelling and moving story to drive my points across.I still am yet to get a good one.Anyway…the story above sums up perfectly a lingering sentiment and thought I am thinking about now.

There are times when a mishap or tragedy,just throws us off balance and shakes some core beliefs we held over the years.Beautiful things that were envisioned,in moments of bliss…now seems surreal.We grow sketical naturally.There are instances when we might just forget how fantastic our dreams were.There are also times when we might not even be able to see,where our Life is supposed to be.

The story above relates a poignant fact.That,deciding,rather than hoping is perhaps the way to go in leading a Life.Personally,I strongly believe in this.

On this note…I have decided that…

• I shall do whatever it takes to achieve the semblance of personal success I want in my Life.

Sometimes,it is indeed understandable that Life becomes stagnanted and we cannot actually figure out,what needs to be done or should be done.But that is the whole beauty of it.Realisation that sometimes,we are a bit lost…is a good start towards refocusing on the route to a destination.

But,Jaz…I really cannot see where I should be going…?

Good,I say!Is that not exciting?There you are asking a question which begs an answer.

Perhaps it is true…everything should begin with the end in mind.Then you work backwards.

Thus…if I envision…

Ending:

Year 2036 ( 55 years old ): I have my first grandchild

Year 2034 ( 53 years old ) : My son / daughter gets married

Year 2030 ( 49 years old ) : My son / daughter completes studies / NS

Year 2026 ( 45 years old ) : I retire

Year 2009 ( 28 years old ) : My first kid

Year 2008 ( 27 years old ) : My marriage

Year 2006 ( 25 years old ) : I work like hell

Geee…looks morbid huh?Heee.Some may claim that I am too dreamy and wishfully thinking too much.My take…balls to you.

The best part about planning backwards is the fact that,you project a future so far,that it might seem too idealistic.Now…my analogy is this.Which one will you prefer?Leaving a legacy…or working tirelessly towards a future?My take is this.Sometimes,people do not dare to dream the impossible dream,because a projected uncertainty has an element of perhaps and perhaps not.It might seem silly that I am projecting well into my years in the planning,coz I might jolly well be dead at any point of time.You see…that is where my point needs to be reiterated.Dying is an option which is way beyond my control.There is only one rather extreme way of living my Life then.Live with a plan,that has tomorrow as its dealine.At least,if I die in the pursue…that plan can be taken over and accomplished by my continuing successor.My kids maybe…the point is,knowing where my Life should be at every juncture,keeps me with a list of "Things to do","Things done" and "Things doing".That is my legacy.Simply said…why a kid at 28 Jaz? Because,my wife’s biological clock will be ticking by then.Also,it will allow me to enjoy soccer sessions with my son while I am still below 50 years old.Waahahahaha!I think my rather screwed timing is just nice for now.Retire at 45 years old?Why not?

Next year will be my benchmark year. At 25 years old…I am already a 1/4 of a century. I will have lived 1/3 of my Life presuming that 63 years old is the age,I can probably say daaaaa.Hmmmm…I need to spend the next 2/3 in a meaningful way.Build my family unit…wahahahaha.That will be so fun.I know I will make a great Dad!Geeee…did I just say that?Yeah,but seriously.No need to talk about being a husband here…coz I will excel at it man!I am not hoping I will be.I have decided to be an excellent husband.Supportive…endearing…ever compromising…gentle…and all other traits that make marrying Taufik a farce.Waahahahahaha.You know why I am saying this.I suck at being a boyfriend…I have to be excellent in the more commited role.Wahahahahaha!But hey…I make an excellent choice okay…just ask Siti Nurhaliza.She is still waiting for my answer…

For anyone who clearly is looking for a tinge of redirection in their lives…may I offer a simple word of consolation.The destination is just a reminder that a journey is to be undertaken.The direction is found in that map you are holding in your hands now.The direction may come in the form of a person or object.The thing is…do not let go of that map.Coz at the same time…a map is rendered useless,unless it is read and interpreted.(Shit…did I just confuse myself.Waahahahaha!)

This week had been heavy.(It’s not my period,silly!)

Seth…

I have been queried by some people.

"Jaz…when did you learn smoking?" Waahahahahaa.Assumptions.

My query,

"Ever seen me smoking?"

People’s query…

"Do you mind if your wife to be smokes?"

My query,

"Which part of your lungs did my wife to be, used for her smoking sessions?"

People’s query..

"Jaz…do you smoke?"

My query,

"Which part of your ass should I smoke,if you do not stop asking me this silly questions?"

Waahahahahahaha.

Quote of the month…

"There is always a first time for everything Jaz…"

Hell…NO!Wahahahaha.First time are for idiots…I refuse to admit my idiotic-ness.Denial.

ps:I have decided that when I get married…Shania Twain’s "From This Moment On" will be played live and sung to me.Waahahahahahaha.I do not care!It must happen.Wahahahahaha!Did you see the magnificent music video?

Marriage Rules No 1:Never disclose your planned wedding song to anyone.

Marriage Rules No 2:Closely follow Rule 1.

Marriage Rules No 3:If that fails…get a Malay song!(Ahahahahahaha)

No Malay songs will be evident in my wedding.Hell NO!!!

I do not need some delusional uncle or auntie belting out lovely songs with their nasi-minyak-after voices.My wedding is strictly liberalised…the only songs playing are the songs I sing for my wife.Period.

"I live my Life for you…"

Awwwwwwwwwwwwwww……………………………….

Never attempt to kiss a woman right full smacked on the lips,if…

1. She hugged you a few days before and exclaimed you as her ‘best-est’ buddy.
2. The whole idea of kissing her was not even your idea in the first place.
3. You cannot even visualise a tinge of realism about how that kiss should be like.
4. Your gut feeling rejected the idea.
5. Your stomach churned like hell.
6. The night was raining.
7. You were not concentrating on any other things except as to what to do.

This piece of invaluable advice is meant for my poor buddy.Heads up pal.I know that your inflated Ego had just been crushed to smithereens.But hey…do not regret any piece of it.You screwed up…but that is only because you probably loved this woman so much,that it clouded your sense of judgement.Next time,listen to yourself.But,I just wanna take a potshot at you…you woose.Go and find a better ambience,to have your kiss man!Not outside an elevator…eurghhhhh!I thought you are a shithead romantic…wahahahaha!

Aniwae…weekends was pure fun.My brudders and I had a short trip up to Johor.Now,having 4 hot alpha male guys parading around Johor is one thing.Having these guys enjoying themselves is another.I have got a funny feeling that the guys over at our neighbourhood state are a bit envious when their girlfriends just kinda glance at us when we walked.Well,I sure cannot help with admirations,right?Aniwae,itinerary of the day was more or less subdued.The guys had their haircut done by our ‘local’ barber.It is pretty ironic to relate to the fact that our resident ‘local’ barber,is actually a Johor guy.But he is a cool chap.I had my first shaving experience done by him.Not a ‘bikini wax’ mind you.

Nearing the end of the night,we decided to have a game of snooker.The nutty thing about this whole idea,was the fact that I knew nuts about playing snooker.But me,being the kinda guy who is game for any challenges…decided to give it a shot.Needless to say,I had a rather exceptionally long round with my brudder Kai,who was equally,incompetent.Waahahaha.Not that it was embarassing…it was just pure adrenalin draining.Heeee….but hey,I had the lion’s share of exquisite game shots.I am a finesse kinda playing guy.The victory is inconsequential.The style must be there.Ahakz!I lost my round…but hey,ho gives a shit.Talking about finesse,I could not help but notice then and there,this demure looking girl who was seating so ever gently,watching her boyfriend play.Sigh.I do not understand the rationale of having a woman watch a guy play.She should be playing along man…geeee…how I recall those times.Waahahaha.Speaking about females playing the game…I still think Ayu,has the best female-pool-playing-poise-yet!Ahakz!Damn,I just had to make this comment…wahahaha!It dawned on me,that I sucked at both snooker and pool.Any game that requires,disciplined fingering stance,coupled with aiming accuracy and a nerve that is icy cool…is not my cup of tea.I just cannot relate to the whole notion of waiting for my turn.I always make the turn…almost.

I just got an e-mail saying that my School of Achiever’s total result tabulations screwed up.I’m third!(#@$%^@!*&^%&&*&%$%#$@$#%^&%%%@!@#~!## )

A Man has gotta bite the bullet sometimes.Aaaaaarrrrrggggggggghhhhhhhhhhh!

My New Baby’s Name : Siti Nur Naema Bte Mohamad Hijazi

Screw anyone who objects…I am just indulging my wishful fantasy!Wahahahahaha.

Oh yeah…applications for Mummy role is now open.

And yes…I got the name from America’s Next Top Model which of course had Naema,winning it.Yeah,so what if I lack originality.Go Naema…

What’s with this idiotic reference to Seth Cohens man?Well,monsieurs and madamoiselles…yours truly is on a journey of self discovery and indulgence.For the first time in many years,he finally found a suitable character profile he can actually relate to.The geeky,out of sorts…yet charming Seth.Ahakz!And he has a love life that is…hmmm…so intriguing and wonderful.Wanna know more?Watch OC!Now I find myself in the occasional mode of asking,

"What would Seth probably do if he was in this situation?" Sounds dorky I know.But it works for me.

I cannot wait for Ramadhan to be over man.The soccer cravings are getting to me big time…I am experiencing a cold turkey.And yes…scoring a goal beats having an orgasm,anytime.Between my dream girl and a soccer friendly…of course it’s the latter.Thinking of which…it had been quite a while since I last had an avid woman/girl friend watching me play soccer.Well,of course there were a few but,they were probably there in reluctance.Hehehehe.Lucky,I have a number one female girl friend fan in Murni.Her level of interest in my game play,is admirable.And of course,she shares the passionate admiration for the number 7,which happens to be our favourite number.Well,Murni…thank you for your ardent support!I dedicate the winning goal I scored at Saint Wilfred against Home United Prime League wooses,to you my dear!Hahahaha!

Here are some soccer facts about myself…

1. I was a Woodlands Prime League trainee. Was asked to sign a contract on the rainy evening of 17th December 2000. I refused,citing National Service.What an idiot!And yes…R.Vengadasalam was the then manager,who personally told me that he liked my style of play.That…was the only thing that mattered.
2. I successfully qualified for all the trials I went to.Meaning that I was asked to come back for a second round.Went for the now defunct Marine Castle and Gombak trials.The idiotic thing was…I never bothered to turn up for the rest of the sessions.
3. I was the only ITE Dover player who played against the institute’s team,in the colours of Balestier United RC.I was not good enough for the school team,or so it seemed.
4. I led as a captain,to a runner’s up position in a tournament organised by Changkat Changi CSC.The youth team,which I led did remarkably well.That is still the most memorable highlight of my playing days.Ask the group who were with me.
5. I won,as a player,two championships, consecutively in my SCDF tournament.I was the right midfield player.Voted indispensable right midfield player of the tournament.Twice.
6. I have played against Singapore’s Veterans at the then Jalan Besar Stadium.I played left wing,marking…of all people…Sir Majid Ariff.
7. I am arguably Singapore’s best playmaker…Singapore has yet to see.Shahril Ishak…is just Singapore’s next alternative.Wahahahaha.Did I mention that I busted both my knees?And I have a dislocated collar bone?Geeee…

So there you have it…a lowdown on the career of the best Singapore’s playmaker.By the way,Nakata scored his first ever Premiership goal for Bolton via a free kick yesterday.You go bro…

Dilemma: Shall I get myself another pair of Nike boots?

My wish list for Christmas…which is two months away…

1. An iXUS 5.1 Mega Pixel Digi Cam
2. A Creative Zen MP3 player.Baby Blue.
3. A pair of Nike Sneakers.
4. X-BOX.
5. Either an Apple or Fujitsu notebook.
6. Two pairs of Nike track suit.
7. Two pairs of Nike Streetwear.
8. Levi’s Boxer shorts.
9. Renoma Singlets.
10. Cufflings.
11. Hugo Boss Energise.Polo Ralph Sport.Calvin Klein Eternity.
12. 15" Flatscreen TV.
13. Hugo Boss Suit / G2000 Suit
14. Domanchi Shirts.
15. Renoma Shoes.
16. Crumpler Bag.
17. Braun Buffel / FX Creations / Renoma Bag.

For now…that’s it.

Halloween’s coming?Anyone game to join me in my door knocking sessions?Wahahaha.

I was watching Armageddon again last night.I cried.Shit!

My room is in an absolute mess.G-strings strewn all over.Books all over.Yikes.I figured that when I do get my bachelor pad…I will need a schedule.A schedule for what?For the respective girls to come and clean it of course.Wahahahaha!Girls who cannot cook and clean are exempted.They will do something else.Heeee…

I was discussing with my brudder Kai the other day.When I get my managerial post and need a Personal Assistant,I have already the suitable candidate in mind.Heheheheeh.Shall not tell you who…but damn…am I crafty or what!If you cannot get her,let her work for you.Hehehehehe.

Gosh.I am so sleepy right now.Summer is asleep now…as always.Heeee…

At the end of the day…I learned something precious from my weekend rendezvous.

Life is not about the amount of breaths one takes.It is the about the moments that take your breaths away.

ps:

Nurhasliza is married.

I feel a bit better.Communication is still the best way to resolve any misunderstandings.And for a while…Time stood still.I am not as assured as I thought I normally am…I still fumble and stumble over my words.I cannot look in the eye.I get nervous.Wahahahaha…It’s all in a day’s work for Seth.The perpetual optimist…

"You cannot lose what you never had…"

Dear Summer…

I never had any chance to rightfully express myself the way I would have loved to.Perhaps I am always gripped by this tantalising feeling of extreme awe and admiration for you.Perhaps I am just fearful.Perhaps I am just being myself…

I did realise however,how weird it would feel not having you around. In whatever capacity,role,definition or functionality.Perhaps it will be my loss if you walk away.But then again…I lost you once…it  broke me.Perhaps it will b my loss.

You will never see or experience my affections for you from my angle of view.That is the whole beauty of it I guess.You…provide me with the most dynamic yet fluid concept of what a Present and Future can look like.Beautiful.

I cannot explain this angst and anguish.You probably refuse to see it.But hey…I am there for you.In the good times or the bad times.You know that.I am a quirky dork…never been good enough for anything significant anyway.Me and my perpetual dreams…travelling…cabins…beaches…photographs…sunsets…all those things that makes me smile.I will probably be there…alone.

So yes…I will probably just smile,dignified by a staunch belief that I cannot see things the way you want me to.And I will never blame you for it nor feel a tinge of regret.It is my choice.

I can never love you for a lifetime.It is not realistic.I can however condense that love of a lifetime in a heartbeat.As long as this heart beats…you know you have someone around you who loves you more than he loves himself.

I never thought I deserved you…I just needed you.

Love you Summer…

Seth

Dear Hijazi,

Thank you so much for your empowering message. I am really touched!
In fact, I was about to send you congratulation note for being Top FSC
for the past 10 weeks. Well Done! My dear friend!

I am very sure you will achieve greatness as an Unit manager in time to
come. You are productive, creative, thinking big, ambitious, can write
very well and are willing to spread good energy around. U r the best!
Keep up with the achievement!

I sent the email with report 3 times last week. Still not sure why some
did not receive attachment. Sorry for the inconvenience caused.

Best regards, may God bless u too!
Grace Ang
————————————————————————————————-

The above email was received just a mere 25 minutes ago. It’s a note from my School of Achievers’s Principal,Miss Grace Ang.Apparently,the progress report cards for the respective consultants had been tabulated and I emerged as the Top Consultant for the school.Alhamdullilah.Geeee…I feel good.It emphasised a point to me.If one gives himself a fighting chance…the chance will fight for him.I wrote a note of thanks to her.Another point emphasised…surround yourself with positive people with positive vibes,success is just around the corner.So much for me to learn and apply next year…insya Allah.

I realised today just how much I miss an aspect of my Life.My music.Whilst I was on the bus home,listening to the melodious groove of romantic songs being played on the MP3 player…so many faces flashed across my mind. Music. The binding thread intertwining so many lives. Then I realised too,that as much as I missed the music…I missed the people associated with the music.

I am a sucker for romantic ballads. Lost count of the  number of times back then,when I would just have tears welling up in my eyes as significant songs are being played. The lyrics and harmonies always seemed to strike a chord within. Beats me why. Used to have a discman with me…when I was down…all I needed to do was go down to East Coast,by the breakwater…and sob silently. Of course I’ll feel so much better after a session of self pity therapy. Hahaha. Of course,this was all way back then,when Hijazi was just a naive,sincere and simple guy,just trying to decipher and comprehend the magnitude of Love. Geee…I miss being alone by myself. Maybe I should try going into this Zen mode again,some time soon. Wahahaha!

(I am in a peaceful,romantic,loving mode now…)

The following paragraph is written with no regarded reference to anyone specific,

Dear Other Half,

I am standing here in front of you in all humility to present to you,myself.Do not be cynical of me and do not serve judgements on me,until you allow me to hold your hands…so that we can walk this journey of Life together.The span of Time I can ever possibly spend with you is so short,and never will I wanna fill it with the silly perceptions of a Past.Can I just bring you somewhere else?Somewhere,where the only worries in existence,is about not having enough Time to spend together.Somewhere,where the only tears we shed,are from the joys and laughters of having each other’s company.Somewhere,where the only hands you’ll hold,is mine.Somewhere,where the only regret we will have,is dying in each other’s arms.Somewhere,where the only memories remembered,are the ones we have yet to create.Somewhere,where you will know,how incomplete my Life is,without you…

When Life beckons either one of us…let it be known that a legacy of fulfillment will be left behind.

My request. Let me love you…

~Hijazi~

Good.I feel great after writing all that downSomething had been clogging up my brain for the past few days.So this was it.Ahahaha!The thing about me is that sometimes thoughts and ideas just seem to block other avenues of functionality.I had to let the blockage flow away.Best solution? Write it down.

See this guy on the left?He’s Shah Rukh Khan playing as Aman Mathur in the hit movie Kal Ho Naa Ho…(If Tomorrow Never Comes).I relate a lot to his personality/character in the movie.Dying from a chronic heart disease,he lived the remaining days of his life,enriching the life of the woman he loves by his "seize the day" attitude.He taught the girl,how to smile…how to love…how to be loved…and how to live out her Life.Geeee…this movie was so inspirational.But seriously…the capacity to Love as exemplified in the movie was,endearingly heartbreaking.Aaaaarrrrggghhhh!Oh yes…I cried!And I am not ashamed of that,coz a guy fren I was watching with cried too.Open hearts,feel alike!If only I can be half of what Aman Mathur was…sigh.

Has anyone been realising that I am becoming a softie by the days…?Gosh!

Kal Ho Naa Ho…

Life changes its beauty all the time,

Sometimes it’s a shade,sometimes  life is sunlight.

Live every moment here to your heart’s content,

The time that is here may not be tomorrow.

One who loves you whole-heartedly,

It is difficult to meet that person.

If there is someone like that somewhere,

That person is more beautiful than all.

Grab onto that (person’s) hand,

He or she may not be so gracious tomorrow.

Live every moment here to your heart’s content,

The time that is here may not be tomorrow.

Taking the shadow of your eyelashes,when someone comes near,

You try to reason with your crazy heart.

Your heart just goes on beating,

But think that which is here now,

That story may not be here tomorrow…

ps:Hijazi is suffering from a semblance of addiction to all things "love".He’s just a bit dysfunctional.Do enjoy these rare moments of woosey vulnerability.If he thinks he’s Aman Mathur for this few days…let him be.He will be back to Robbie Williams mode soon.Wahahahaha!At this point of Time…any bastardly or jerkass statements from Hijazi is considered void.~singing~"Kal ho naa ho…"

Beautiful.

Just one word to describe how my weekends were. Been quite a while since I found my weekends to be laid back,chilled,relaxing and just plain inspirational.Friday ended in emphatic fashion as the Funsome Foursome met at Changi Airport after my puasa break fast session with Randy at Downtown East.Touching on that,here’s the best thing about Friday.Randy and I found ourselves touching Downtown East around 1600 hrs.We went around and found ouselves at this grand amphitheater called the Marquee.It was such a fun experience for the both of us as we imagined the grand events of how our dream wedding will take place.Ahahaha.I know…as corny as it might sound,two guys planning for this sorta thing is unbelivable,but hey…it was an enthralling time man!We then proceeded to the X-Box Square and indulged in kiddish and boyish arcade gameplay for two hours!Geeee…we were admiring ourselves for a moment,as we realised that this,was what Life is supposed to be.Enjoyed and laid back!Not many will have the luxury of such time well spent…we did.To cap it off…we had dinner at Sakura Buffet Cuisine.Two guys…paying SGD$26 each for a buffet dinner?Ridiculous but true!

At Changi Airport…the Funsome Foursome indulged in the sinful pleasures of coffee and cakes.Geeee…it was so fun.All of us were engaged in one of the most thought provoking…for me at least…session of gruelling conversation.It bordered on Love…Life…Marriage…and any other miscellaneous issues worth mentioning.It sure did not help that I left my thinking brain at home.My cynical partner in crime did not help either.Aaaaarrrrgggghhhhh!!!I will explain the theories posed in a while…aniwae,we ended the night with a sahur session at East Coast Macdonalds,where we witnessed a chap being beaten up by some Malay chaps.Nothing spectacular for a sahur session.I think bashing my ‘lil bro at home during sahur is more engaging.C’mon Malay chaps of the world…surely you can do more with your hands then bash a helpless,fallen guy,right?Try helping your moms with her tart making ah…wahahaha!

Let me define the word "cynic"-

A cynic is an idealist who has been disappointed

There are some of us who perhaps have met someone who says things like,

• "Get real…"
• "Love at first sight?Hahahaha…"
• "Yeah sure.Like as if…"
• "Love is not for me…"
• "Nope.Been there…ain’t going there again…"
• "What’s the use…"
• "I’m fine here…"

Hehehe…as you can see,all the phrases sounds a bit familiar right?For the cynics…here’s a two pence worth of thoughts.

"Love happens to only one type of people.The ones with faith.If Fate has it that you meet someone,it’s only because God has a plan for you,which is good…coz it means,there is a bigger thing in Life for you,then just watching the ones with faith live theirs.Being cynical of the future because of the past,is as of equivalent,as blaming Adam and Eve for cocking up and having us live on Earth instead of the Heavens.Fret not.Just because we cannot see God…does not mean,He does not exists.Just because we’ve been through pain…does not mean,Love left us.Observe with your heart…feel with your mind.It’ll be fine…just the way it was supposed to be."~Hijazi~

The above is for my cynical half…screw the cynicism and ride the waves man!

Aaaaarrrggghhhh…I just broke my jade ring!Aaaaaaarrrrrrgggghhhhhh!Jazi…you idiot!

Aniwae…Saturday was the highlight of my weekends!My brudder Kai invited me to join him and his merry band of NIE cohorts for a break fast session.I loved the company man!You know how it feels like when a semblance of warmth and comfort engulfs you?That was how I felt in the company of these peeps.Excellent bunch!Were with them for a mere few hours but geeeee…I loved them all.There was…

• Suliana…the hot momma of the bunch.Married with a lovely daughter to boot along…she was a picture of fun and openness.Has a listening ear to complement her great and endearing personality.Oozing with raw and simple originality.Cool woman!
• Feezah…the kinda gal that would have made Jazi circa 2000-2002,go goo-goo-gaa-gaa.But hey,taking nothing from this petite lady,she was excellent!Quirky and sweet with a tongue to die for…geee…she rocks!Sensed a vibe of devilish,impish personality.
• Faizal…Mr Personality for the week.Geee…he epitomised innocence in the mould of "Revenge of the Nerds" to the tee.He’s not nerdy.Just projecting "nerdiness" that is so captivating.Bespectacled and tall,he was cannon fodder for my endless barrage of sick jokes.Love a man who laughs at himself…he is one of them.Just to show how impactful he was that day in my impression books…he already has 3 nick references.

1. Chicken Little
2. Mr Nixau aka Mr Gods Must Be Crazy
3. Man Whore

Geee…he takes the cake.I take 3 weks to think of a nick for someone.He gave me 3 hours to be inspired.

And of course,there was Kai and me completing the Circle of Hobbits.Hahaha!

Had dinner at Anatolia,Far East Plaza…proceeded to Geylang…proceeded to Suntec to watch a movie…proceeded to Boat Quay…proceeded home.Hehehehe.Of course the interesting things happened during the course in between the journeys lah!

Interlude-Sorrie…juz gotta stretch and dance to the beats of "Baby,it’s you" by Jojo.

Okie I’m back…

Interesting observation I made…how sometimes we tend to be immersed in the discussions of as to how people are living their life or ought to live their life.Everyone’s guilty of this silly indulgence.However,if we were to just step back and imagine watching ourselves being in that mode of conversation…it looks just not right.We are shortchanging the time in our lives watching people lead their lives.That’s horrible.I am guilty of this sometimes,but this thought has kept me in check eversince.I have got my life to lead…it’s about time I waste other’s time,discussing about my Life.Wahahaha!

Scenario 1 worth a movie take…

Guy with a girl.Eats dinner.Guy’s rival (who obviously likes the girl) gets to know,visits the eating place, (intentionally or not),watches in frustration.Guy and girl enjoys the rest of the night together.

My question is…what will Jazi do if he was the

• Guy at dinner : I will enjoy my dinner.Look at the rival guy and invite him to join me on the pretext of discussing things gentlemanly over dinner.I will then order the most expensive dish,since it might be a long conversation.I will finish the dish,and then ask the girl and guy to excuse me as I feel that they ought to sort things clearly in private.I will take my back and proceed to leave and leave my bill for them to settle,whilst making a call for my next date to be arranged.Free dinner.Never been better…
• Guy stalking girl:I will go over to the girl and ask her why she left her G-strings at my place on the pretext that my Mom does not wear one.Alternatively,I will just say that I have booked the room at Marriot Hotel as she had requested.My handphone battery was flat,thus the reason to have me tell it to her personally…
• Girl:I will just continue with the dinner.I will not bother with all the fuss.I am on my "red light" days aniwae…

During NS,when I was the platoon seargeant of my company,I was christened with the nick,"Seargeant SMS".Reason being…in the early morning of Ramadan where I would lead the recruits for sahur…I will be busily sms-ing my girlfriend,waking her up for sahur.That was memorable man!Having this recruits coming over and just asking me to quit sms-ing the girl as she might still be sleeping.I realised this when I met my recruits the other day at Geylang,and I was introduced to their girlfriends with that reference.Cute.Hehehehe.The memorable thing about Ramadan in NS is the waking up part…or rather not.Hehehe.

"My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard…"Wahahahaha!

Kai and I indulged in a bit of dreamy vision at Suntec about my appointment as manager…insya Allah!But seriously,when I am building my team of great people…the essential ingredient and quotient for greatness in my agency will have to be just faith!Faith in their ownselves.I’ve got this goal of being the kinda manager,competitors love to hate and hate to love.Hahaha.My team will comprise of the most dynamic and fun individuals,any corporation will find.Working hard to play harder will be my mantra.Anyone who might have been under my lead would know that with me only two things can happen.

• Fun
• No one failed.It was just an opportunity to devise another tactic.

I love leading.I’ve got this penchant for getting people be aroused about their own greatness.Just ask my Platoon 3 recruits…hehehe.It helps that I’ve got this siege mentality.

Sgt Hijazi:"Boys…today…it’s all about Them against Us!They want us to fail.They expect us to fail.They need us to fail…coz that’s the only way they will be able to validate their success.Are we gonna allow them to swallow us and spit us out?"

Recruits:"No,Seargeant!"

Sgt Hijazi:"Are we going to prove a point to them boys?"

Recruits:"Yes,Seargeant!"

Sgt Hijazi:"Allright boys!Here’s the plan…(ring…ring)…Hello!Yes Sayang…no I’m with my recruits…"

See where I’ve got this "prove a point to the society syndrom from"?Hehehehe.

ps:If I do kiss you…it’s only because I felt that it was the most natural thing to do.My balls were itchy…but scratching them would have been a horrible sight!Waahahahaha!

I am totally devoid of useful inspiration…duh…

Anyway,in a few hours…I am gonna have a rocking time.Just like a volcano,the accumulated pressure of anticipation is building up with feverish intensity.I know you are dying to know what I am gonna do…but guess what…I cannot say.Wahahahaha!

Do you know that Hijazi is actually a simple guy?Yeah…he is basically a simple,level headed and non-complicated creature of wits and ingenuity.(Okie,that’s me bragging…)But seriously,sometimes I am amused with some of the coignitive interpretations dished out with regards to my personality and character.Amongst them…

• I am complicated
• I am emotional
• I am confused
• I think too much
• I seek attention
• I clamor for fame and glory
• I forget my roots
• I am better then Taufik

As you can see,I sincerely find that all the above listed,except for the last point,are false…heeeee…

Let me explain.Hijazi is at his raw-est and most original self…a self professed geek!He reads books like he devours his Famous Amos cookies.He watches cartoons like a doe eyed 5 year old.He writes with the passion of a novelist who has to meet his deadline the next day.He plays soccer with the hunger of William Braveheart,trying to liberate Scotland.He loves with the intensity of Thomas Edison trying to light a bulb.And lastly…he thinks with the mazelike clarity of Albert Einstein,who tried explaining the Laws of Relativity to the public.

My point?I am a simple guy.I do not clamor for fame and recognition.And I feel so misunderstood sometimes when people think that I am confused.Gosh…are they so wrong.Most of the times…yes,I do think so much about a particular issue.But that is probably the only reason why I am managing to keep a semblance of humor and peace in my life.Coz,being able to see Life as if it was a prism…is the only way,I can choose which side of things I wanna relate to.Keeps me balanced.Those who know me,also know that the only thing that keeps me from spiralling into severe depression,is my humour.Laughter is the best medicine,I guess.

Why the serious tonality in today’s entry,Jaz?

Just particularly today,I realised that there were some perspectives on some people’s part that bothered me.Well,here I am trying to comfort them with the assurance that,I may not be what I am perceived as.Believe me.The only truth that will betray your perspective,is the fact that I should have never been perceived in that manner.As aptly put,by sweet felicity…"If you judge me,you’ll have no time to love me…"I appreciate openness…I detest misundertandings.

Aniwae,on the light side of things…Life’s been hell.And by that,I mean great.(Haven’t you heard that Hell has an aircon?)I am a bit low on the morale side after discovering that my rankings dropped to 9th place.Geeee….some peepz tried comforting me with the thought that why be bothered with rankings.Maybe you are right…but then again…there is this niggling thought,that I should do more.But that’s besides the point.

Here are some new qualities/character/traits/personality of an ideal/dream woman I picked up from my random thoughts…

• Should at least be able to bake something decent.Cookies?Brownies?Muffins?Ahakz…don’t ask me why.But all these treats are like aphrodisiacs…wahahaha!
• Did I mention,must be able to dance?I did?Serious?Hehehehe…
• Sing.Yeah…I have this weird thought,suddenly.(Quranic recitations are acceptable…wahahaha!)
• Loves soccer.Hehehehe.(This I cannot compromise.I have rejected 234 applications already.Who told them to put soccer as one of their dislikes?Girls…)

My friend asked me what my thoughts are about being a father.Although coming from him was a bit strange,I took the liberty to reply…

I will end up as a father…

• Who takes his kids to Toys R Us every forthnightly weekends…to buy for myself the newest released toys.My wife will get the kids’s toys…
• Who reads a night storybook to his kids…in the hope that,I will bore myself to sleep too.
• Who sends his kids to school…just as an excuse,not to send my wife to work.
• Who plays the Playstation console with his kids…as a reason to complete my game.

So you can see…what fatherhood will do to me right?It will make me so much more accomodating and less selfish.Heeee…

A suggestion to write a biography on my life has been taken into consideration seriously.I just need to sort out some contractual disputes with my publishers…a bit messy at the moment.What do you expect when you have names like Taufik…Siti Nurhaliza…Misha Omar…Johnny Depp…Enrique Inglesias…in it?!But one thing I can assure you that my biography will be full of non sexual articles…religious insinuations…morality principles…ethical dogmas…conducts…beliefs and all good things that makes my biography sounds like a Saints’ Guide to Living Life.

My boo…

My boo…

My boo…

You will always be my boo…(crowd screaming…."Go Jazi…love you Jazi…"someone throws a red thong…crowd screaming)

I’ve always tried imagining singing that song with Siti…"You will always be my boo…hoo..hoo..hoo.."

Geee…I just realized!I am wearing Renoma boxers and singlet now!!!Brand conscious siak!Hehehehe…should get something more expensive!If a woman can sleep with a Maximiser that costs over $SGD70…why can’t I sleep with something uselessly priceless.

Oh yeah…I burned my Domanchi suit pants earlier in the day,whilst ironing!Jazi…you are an idiot.The suit cost $SGD200.A gift from a loved one!And it got burned by a $SGD45 iron.*wailing*

I have product training in a few hours time.Geeee…just imagine me having to conduct one in the near future.I cannot.

Met my lovely god-siblings just now…Irfah…Boboy…Maman…Ajo…Nas…and their Adang.Hehehehehe.These bunch are the love of my life!And they are not even my family members!

Oh shit…my mum calling me.Sahur already?She’s screaming for me to fry the chicken and make tea.Aaaaaarrrrrrrggggghhhhhh!Where’s the women when I need them?

ps:I don’t know why I am saying this,but I realize that I love Latin woman.Hahahaha.For those women,who can’t cook…it’s allright!MacDonalds are now 24 hours…

I am Seth…

That’s Summer…

We are going sailing together….

My imagination has been running wild since yesterday night.Been "seeing" things in my head.Wonderful,exhilarating and exciting things…to say the least.I searched the Net yesterday for some pics of what I was trying to envision,my kinda bachelor pad interior decor.Walaaaa…here are the pics.The whole decor suited and complemented the idea I had about how a bachelor pad should be.

1.Spacious with big,comfy sofas…so that my buddies can come over…yeah rite!?

2.A bed…big enough for two…duh!

3.A spacious,neat and simple looking kitchen…for cooking obviously…

4.Study room for me to indulge in my neverending intelligent moments…

5.The whole ambience should be blackish and tinted greyish with dim lights…for that cosy feeling…

Share with you something imaginatively silly…but I visualised it so well…yesterday night…aaaaaaaargh!

Here I am,all weary and tired from a hard day’s work,with my briefcase in hand.I stagger to my pad’s door and press the ringing bell.The wooden door to my house,opens slightly…and there stood ‘mi amor’…dressed in just an oversized white Van Heusen shirt.Her hair is bunned up,with the floral chopsticks neatly tucked in,keeping the bun intact.Her fringe falls lazily over her left eye.She proceeds to open the gate,as my tired body stumbles through the gate.She caught my flailing body in her sweet scented body as her perfumed hair brushes my nose.Nice…

She takes my briefcase and places it on the floor beside the black sofa and grabs my hand.She smiles gleefully as she pulls me into my bedroom. Wow…not bad…the room has been tidied. I smell the sweet fragrance of Hugo Boss in the air.

She grabs the palm sized Sony disc player remote control and switched the player on.The groove of "Turn Me On" by Kevin Lyttle is heard blasting.It totally caught me by suprise…woooaaahhh…this is new."Mi amor" starts to sway her hips…side to side…as I watch in bewilderment."She can dance?"the thought just flashed through my mind…

Proceeding closer…she gyrated and moved in ways I had never seen her did before…as her fingers ruffled my hair,messily…

The dim lights…the music…the swaying of hips…aaaaah….heaven…

Believe me…this was what was occupying my right sided brain for the whole of last night.Beats me why.But I figured one thing though…my wife has to know,how to dance.Ahakz!I can compromise on the cooking…but the groove…is something else.Wahahahaha.I mean.coming from me…is that not the best thing to have in your life?For mine at least.To come back to my lovely "amor",and she greets you in the most stupendous way possible.I’ll work my socks off…I’ll never stray…I’ll be faithful…I’ll be anything…wahahaha!

How does a 24 year old,going 25 year old guy…get to the period of bliss,as I envisioned.

1.Work like an asshole…meaning that I will have to work harder and smarter.The only way to do that is to leverage on two essential resources:People and Time.I am pretty sure that I will triple my income by next year,God willing,if I stick to my gameplan of letting people and time work for me and not the other way around.Success quotes say…"Work your ass for two years,and reap the benefits for the next twenty years and beyond."I kinda agree with that.

2.Work on my personality and character…meaning that Hijazi has to be a walking billboard for charisma and personality.I realised that I do not want to be married,have kids,have grandkids,retire,fall sick and fall dead.That’s too normal.I want to be on the plane visiting Maldives on my weekends…shopping at Harrods…scaling Kilimanjaro…etc.I am not being idealistic.It does not take any greater amount of effort in dreaming between a good dream and a great one.Why waste it on a good dream.Waste it on a great dream.I want to be lost in the realm of impossibilities whilst not losing myself.Impossible…as the Adidas ad mentioned…is a big word,the small people coined up.I kinda agree with that.

3.Work on my dreams and visualisations…meaning that I will have to affirm myself every single day that each day of my life is meant to be lived on a singular purpose.What I want to be and where I want to be…is but only a dream,until I start working on them.I will build my castles in the air and start laying the foundations now.Everything in Life works on a cause and effect philosophy.I will shake my core beliefs now,spur me into action and catapult myself into a momentum so powerfully dynamic that it will just trample the self doubts and cynical prophecies of critics.I owe myself so much…that it will take another lifetime to even start paying it back.18 billion cells in my brain!I cannot accept the fact that I am utilising only 10%.Shit!

Yeah…those are the three things which will be focal point of concentration for next year!2005 was good…2006 will be better…2007 will be the greatest!

Someone brought me back to Earth.That’s why…perhaps,I am just a bit resolute in what I plan to accomplish.Perhaps you are right…"Life is what happens to you,when you totally forgot it."

There are no ‘if"s…

• When I hold a wedding dinner at Fullerton…
• When I go on a two weeks European honeymoon…
• When I just hug you from behind whilst you are cooking…
• When I read a goodnight book before you sleep…
• When I kiss you gently on the forehead to wake you up…
• When I shop with you for our kid’s apparels…
• When I have a kick about with our boy…
• When I sent our kids to school…
• When I watch our kids graduate…
• When I play with our grandkids…
• When I lay sickly in your arms…
• When I close my eyes,with you holding me tight…

What if I had placed the "If" in place of all the "When"?Would have sounded less convincing,right?So…I firmly believe in this thing called,self affirmation.When you see things happening,it tends to happen.If you see things happening…most likely you are right.You are just seeing them.

With an endless amount of exciting possibilities awaiting,how can I not feel that I am rather short on time.Strange.I used to stroll around in my life…no wonder the journey seemed longer than what it was supposed to be.When I started to jog…I realised I was way off the intended target time.Yeah,Life is indeed a marathon.The ones who win are those that keeps a steady pace,whilst building the explosive momentum within.When the final burst is in sight…hell ya!

This entry is meant as a reminder to me.Do not take Life for granted,coz Life will take you for it.Like I said in my previous entry…God created the whole universe for Man to explore.It’ll be so sad,if all I ever did significantly memorable in my life…was to step out of my 4 roomed HDB flat.God bless me.

Dear Hijazi,

Keep in touch with your soul again. You kinda lost a bit of yourself,whilst immersing in the accolades and rewards of Life.Remember,you owe the people you love,a piece of your true,significant self.The real you…is even bigger…than the one people see.Love God…love the Life he granted…love yourself…and love your dreams.

ps:Gee…something is definitely wrong with me.Ahakz!But seriously…long live greatness!Bless the souls I love…

You know something just went awfully wrong in your brain if the first thing that you see when you wake up,is the smiling face of your wall clock,saying 3 pm.Yes,peepz…I woke up at 3 pm todae.Gosh! I didnt know that the effects of a hangover was this bad…let me see…I did have a couple of bad shots the night before. One very sweet coffeeshop teh tarik…two medium cups of Macdonald’s Ice Lemon Tea…hmmm…and Nescafe when I got home.Wow,even the heaviest drinker cannot hold a candle to what I had yesterday.But,all was not that bad afterall…I had one of the most sensuous dreams of recent months.What?You are dying to know?What?Hahahaha…well,I dreamt that I was in some sorta Idol singing compy…and I kinda won.Yaa…yaa…yaaa…I can hear you pathethic cynics yawning already.The thing was…Taufik came in third!Wahahahaha…take that you yawning dying hard Taufik fans.

Yesterday night after my terawih session,was the coffee session for the Brudderhood of the Ya-Ya Brudders. Members,namely made up of 3 simply gorgeous,hot,alpha male…myself,Kai and Kay.I came to our meetup location and was greeted by the normal handshakes and a warm brudderhood hug from Kay.Now,here’s the interesting part.That brudderly hug was the best hug I’ve received in years,man.Sorrie babes…you were good…but my brudder was better.Wahahaha.But seriously,it felt different for a moment.Having that kinda warm,bonding hug felt good.It helps that Kay is one of those affectionate SNAGs,i know.Not feminine.Just a guy oozing with raw gentlemanliness.Admirable huh?Hehehehe.My brudder Kai and I are beyond that already…we are oozing with raw,charismatic and pure…hopelessness.

As usual,our convy bordered around the crucial worldly affairs such as women…women…and more women.But I realised something.Unlike some unofficial coffeeshop brudderhood organisations around,ours,was miles away different.For a start,a point that I have to reiterate again,our members are hot.Secondly,our convy are intelligent.Our credo:

1.Thou shall not kiss and tell.

2.Thou shall do what point 1 asked to do.

3.Thou must do what point 2 asked to do.

note:See how important Point 1 is?

4.Thou shall only discuss the dynamics of interpersonal relations regarding women…love is taboo.

5.Thou shall not state a name specifically…coz the members are smart enough to figure out.

6.Thou shall not degrade a women’s worth…let them do it themselves.

7.Thou shall not be accountable or responsible for any emotional breakdowns on the women’s part…let their husbands or partners worry about that.

8.Thou shall not visualise women as icons of lust and wild passion…and we seriously do not know what sex means in the first place.

9.Thou shall respect womenhood…the way our manhood ought to be respected.

10.Thou should only comply with Point 1.

Thus you can see,how important a credo is in shaping a holistic philosophy for conversations.

Whilst we were discussing on other universal issues,I kinda issued an orgasmic,intelligent statement to Kay,

Hijazi:"Kay,I think you are like an old encyclopedia on the shelves.You know…the old sorta,yellow Disney,selections…"

Now,if some dumbo are saying out loud,as to what was so intelligent about that,let me define it for you in Simple Primary School Singlish.

Basically,guys had always been described or classified as books.Good guys are like the last books on the shelves…rite gals?Now here’s my take on the classifications:

Handsome guys : Comic Magazines - Graphically attractive on the outside…lacking in materials on the inside. For childish girls.

Lean and muscular guys…a.k.a…fitness freaks…body perfectionists : Health and Lifestyle Magazines - Enticing and practical appearing on the outside. Wait till you read them and note the Before and Now Sections. Horrifying. For naive,idealistic and doe eyed girls.

Matured and manly guys : Horror Books. Need I say more? For girls who imagine themselves being thrown on the bed,having their Mango blouse and Zara jeans ripped off from their bodies…only to have these guys,sleep. Yawn.

Below 23 year old guys : Romance books. Sweet. Dreamy. Imaginative. Full of hopes…almost. For girls who believe that big things come in small packages…literally.

And of course…

Hot.Intelligent.Romantic.Matured.Balanced.Spiritual.Marriage Material.Fatherly.Husband Qualities.Almost perfect.Guys like me and my brudders. : Encyclopedias - Have you girls gone through an encyclopedia before? Didn’t you find almost,if not,everything in it.Remember the days when your teacher would say,"Girls,if you need to know more about what I meant,look it up under the encyclopedias.You’ll find pictures and informations about any particular subjects of you interests. Don’t start on your projects until you have consulted them!" Enough said. For girls who are like us.

"Say you love me all around the world…" - Simply Red

ps:Perhaps I’ve been too insensitive with my entries…am I…yeah right!Wahahaha.To that particular someone…don’t give up on the guys yet man…look and scrutinise around you.Good guys are small on the outside…but they have the biggest heart on the inside. Use a magnifying glass…and don’t step on them.