Undeniable

I plunged my thoughts into deep sanctuary whilst I was on board the train to Marina for my soccer session.As the train sped past the stations,the blurry image of waiting passengers set me thinking…

1.What if one of the many passengers there, was someone I have been wanting to meet all this while?

2.What is God’s arrangement,for setting up such an opportunity,of a meet up?

3.How will it change my Life?

I realised that over the last few years,my perspectives and beliefs had evolved to a level of serendipity.It’s kinda heartwarming to say the least that I am nowadays more contented with just loving and cherishing people from afar.Realisation kinda set itself on me that,I’ve got such a short life.If I were to spend years hoping for reciprocated love,and only seeing it shamble into pieces one fine day,I am just shortchanging my own capacity of loving Life itself.For sure,there are some who are loved deeply by me,by which its depths are known only to me.But the idea of having to be with them to prove it,is becoming more meaningless.Unconditional love has a natural condition to it.And that condition is…only one will feel that way.Think about it…

Randy and I just hanged up. Damn…I am having fun taking a dig at him with his relationship exploits.But credit to the mopho…he is sincerely being a true man for this moment,at least.Wahahaha!I issued a personal challenge to him.The first bloke to close 20 life cases for the month of October will get a hundred bucks.Wahahahaha!And I am giving him 10 cases headstart…

My recent surge in confidence is probably due to the book I am reading now,entitled "Dare to Win" by Mark Hansen and Jack Canfield.I do not know why,but I am having this tingling sensation of wanting to work like hell…paying the price of success…

I am as of this very moment affirming myself yet again,that I have the capacity and potential to be one of the best in the career I am pursuing.Disappointments and failures are not consequences,but merely,distractions.With the gracious help,love,confidence and warmth of my dearest family and friends,I will live out my life in the most satisfying manner possible.I owe it to the people I love,to achieve a semblance of success,so that I may share the joys with them.God created a whole world for me to walk on,and I will not be contented with just leaving my footprints,on the shores of this island.God made the sea so much clearer in some parts of the world,and I will not be contented with just swimming in the pool.God made the sun shine more radiantly in some parts of the world,and I will not be contented with just squinting my eyes from the glare.I was meant to embrace the rays and bask in it.God made snow for me,and I shall not be contented with just trying to understand the feelings of ploughing snow,by watching it on TV.I have to experience it!The ancient people built the pyramids for me,so that I may touch it and feel the grains of the stones,and be one with its history and mysteries.God made the skies so wide,for me to sit down by the coast of the beach,and count the shining stars with my loved one.I will never be contented with just wishing on a star from the corner of my room window.As long as I love myself…myself will love me back!

Love…love…love….

I used to cry over a lost love.I used to cry over rejections.I used to cry over missing someone.I used to cry when I felt hurt.

It’s strange that I do not do that anymore.

Patch Adams starring Robin Williams brought a poignant fact of life.Achieving the most passionate thing in your Life is perhaps the answer to overcoming the loss of love.Perhaps…that is what I am trying to do with my Life now?My passion?Making people that I love feel worthy of their own presence.

Give me a few more months and this is what I am strongly gonna do to make my Life meaningful and blessed!Visit the elderly at the Pertapis home, weekly, and give them hugs of compasionate love.I do not know why,but I figured,I would probably need that hug more than them.For they are the manifestation of what I see Life is…significant but temporary.

Sigh…my entry is a bit morbid today huh?But seriously…there surely is a bigger meaning to our lives than just  whatever we are going through now,right?Humanity is in a sorry state of condition if all we wanted to do,is live. How about getting a Life for a change?

Facts:

While I am typing this,

1.Someone just received a congratulatory note for being a millionaire…

2.Someone just got killed by a road accident…gun shot…stab wound…

3.Someone just proposed to his dream partner…

4.Someone just delivered a new baby…

5.Someone just received inheritance…

6.Someone just fell in love…

7.Someone just graduated…

What are you doing at this precise moment?

ps:Today’s entry is quirky,morbid and messed up,coz I kinda feel tired!Wahaha!I miss someone so much…as of right now…the old HIjazi.He was such a dickhead!He would probably be laughing his head silly,watching cartoons as of now.The old Hijazi was such a simple guy.He did not even know he had a brain he can use for thinking purposes.

I feel like having someone in my arms now,to dance with me…and just be immersed in the moment!Just the two of us…

singing…"No one else comes close to you…no one makes me feel the way you do…girl,with just a touch,you can do so much…no one else comes close.And when I wake up to the touch of your head on my shoulder.You’re my dream come true…."

I will have this vision…in reality.

At this very moment of sitting down in front of my PC, I am coughing like nobody’s business. My brudder Randy just gave a call to tell me that he had just finished visiting the doctor who diagnosed him with mild bronchitis!Now, that is the scary part. I was his room mate on our recent trip to Austin Hill Resort. Meaning that,if he has it,I have it too.Aaaaaargh!Randy…you are a pussy,sickly lil’ woose!

Anyway,for those who might not be aware,I just came back from a back to back weekend getaway! Last two weeks,yours truly,was frolicking in the hustle and bustle of Bangkok!I spent a whooping $500 over the course of only 3 days.If you ask me,that is not extravagant spending!That is silly money management…wahahaha!Well,I did indulge myself in a bit of shopping vanity.Bangkok is truly a shopping paradise.Not to mention that the prices there are ridiculously ridiculous!I took the opportunity to practice and refine my negotiation skills.Needless to say,every sales transaction became a personal affair of seeing who got the best deals.Thai people are great,friendly and amiable people.Most of the time,I manage to haggle prices up to 50% the price offered!Sometimes I bargained just for the thrill of it.But it was pure fun,not to mention exciting!

Thailand women are God’s gifts!Without any harsh biasness intended,Thailand women are miles away prettier than a typical Malay woman.Of course,this is just generalising.But maybe I will get away with this comment if a Malay woman  could see and accept this little fact for herself!Almost every Thai woman was worth a second glance!

My tour guide brought me to the notorious "Thai Girl Show"!It was an experience worth going through and one I will probably not forget in a long while.The show was typically set in a big hall,with a large,raised podium.Visitors were seated in a U-shaped arrangement.There were scores of Chinese,Vietnamese,Americans,British,Malaysians and Singaporeans in the room,with me included of course.The show began with a naked Thai woman sucking and bouncing a ping pong ball on the stage,using only her vagina…followed by having a member of the audience pulling an endless neon colored tape from her vagina…followed by whistle blowing using her vagina…bottle opening using her vagina…smoking two cigarette sticks from her vagina…and other unprintable things,using her vagina!!!Seriously!The show climaxed with a 15 minute session of a man having sex with a woman using various Kamasutra position with one.ultimately,being done in mid air!Yes…mid air!That threw some members of the audience off…and they left mid way!Me?Was still gaping in astonishment!

Then these women proceeded down to the aisle where we were seated and sat beside everyone.Of course,me,being one of the charming few had a woman by our side too.What proceeded next was sinful…which of course…was never intended!I was requested to tip the girl,which I did…and what I got was the manhandling of my crotch!Ouch!By the time I realised what was happening,I was out of the hall!

In a way,Bangkok was to me…Sin City!Everywhere.My hotel overlooked a motel.At night,in the glare of the table lights,we(my travel partners),could see,or rather watch, a love making session in progress!!!Euuuuurrrrgggggghhhh!It helps that both my travel partner are not women keen…if you know what I mean!

But overall…Bangkok was great!I am coming back in December…for the shopping!Hehehehe!

As had been made known,I just came back from yet another retreat.This time Malaysia.My kind manager sponsored a stay at Austin Hills Resort!Gosh!It was heaven.

For a start,we checked ourselves into super suite rooms!You know how big a suite is!Imagine a super suite…!Me and my brudder Randy was circling the room with our tongues firmly out of our mouths.Just the kinda room,horny bachelors like us needed!I took out my PS2 set…my MP3 speakered player…and soon,I was dancing to the grooves of the blaring music!There was a bathroom the size of a HDB 3 room!No kidding!Geeeee…imagine the bath tub…the bubble…the foam…

So what did these two horny bastards do to fill their time?I bought a game called "The Guy’s Game".It was an adult oriented trivia game.We laughed ourselves silly,as the real on screen chicks flashed their boobs,as Randy and I answered the general knowledged trivias!

But of course,the whole thing was not all about fun and more fun!My manager and a group of us had a long session of discussion about the possible expansion of the agency!With all due respect,the whole session was enlightening in every aspect of the word.For a start,we were looking at the prospect of promotion which is most likely to happen rather sooner than expected.Meaning that,my vision of being a unit manager is more likely to happen rather earlier.Of course there are terms and conditions that need to be met,but these issues,were rather secondary.I was more than delighted to have been given an insight from my manager’s perspectives as to how,Shafika…Randy….myself,will need to do to proceed to the next level of our career.Insya Allah…it will be realised!What was highlighted was perhaps the importance of having a solid team dynamic to complement the progress. It’s happening for sure! Next planned retreat in early March: Genting Highlands! Cool huh?Oh yeah…my company is sending me and a few other qualified agents to Sydney next August!Wooohooo!With so much things to look out for…life will never be the same.

Settling back in the comforts of Singapore,I cannot help but ponder about the potential and possibilities that Life has to offer.The past weeks had been rather refreshing and thought provoking.A sense of perspective is slowly rekindling.I cannot specifically mention or decribe what the events are that led me to this special conclusion,but I certainly am,cherishing every bit of moment experienced!

Never let go of your dream.I will bury that thought in my life for now.Things will not be the same…it will be better!I promise.

ps:Sampoerna and Red Bull.What a combination?!I had the most expensive taxi ride in recent years recently!But it was beautiful and memorable!"Heaven" by Bryan Adams!Oh yeah…just reminding myself…I saw Ayu the other day with a Chinese bloke!Was I glad to see her…you bet I did!Gee…poor old me,still does not have a car!

"Us" is a very fluid concept which I am beginning to understand on a much deeper and significant level. The need for validations and approvals are basically an indication of a deep rooted sense of insecurity. Yups…insecurity is the buzzword for me the past few weeks.

There was a point of time in my life when possesiveness was an apparent trait in most of my relationships. The need to know where my other half was, at every minute of time, proved to be a disatrous thing to do. Coz,indirectly it showcased a  facet of my very ugly self. On hindsight…I was pathetic. Accusing my other halves of perhaps being out with imaginary guys on imaginary dates was not only sick…it was plain psychotic! Why did I allow paranoia to engulf me? Of course there were exceptions when these girls are actually out with guys doing God knows what…but hey…who cares now?

The point I am trying to highlight here is that, insecurity breeds fragility. Nobody wants to be around an insecure individual, no matter how much potential he or she has! A close acquaintance of mine recently related a thought provoking scenario of her other half being,perhaps,a bit possesive. I am not a judgemental person by nature so I gave the thought the benefit of the doubt. Maybe,he was just concerned. But upon introspection, it certainly was insecurity in its full manifestation. Relating how I was in the past…I felt ridiculous.

Anyway, highlights of the past month. I am bonding real close with my two colleagues, namely, Randy and Shafika! They are great company and at this point of time, our Power of Trinity is truly inspiring me to greater heights of achievements. We are not only the most dynamic people around, we are also the most fun to be around with. No denying that. Ehekz!

I am 6th in place now…

A nostalgic symbol of hope, tranquility and eternal joy made its re-appearance in my life recently. In its presence,Time stands still. Will I find that side of my missing self again?

By the time, this blog is being published,I would have stepped on Bangkok. Yups,I am now in Bangkok for a short getaway.

ps: I lost a piece of my dreams…tell me I am losing my mind…but when I close my eyes now…I keep seeing that piece…