Undeniable

Okie…so London is hosting the 2012 Olympics!I will be a good 31 years old.If I am not married by then,that would have mean that I am a super rich,charismatic,brooding,enigmatic and flamboyant playboy who just could not find the right girl to grow old with me.Awwww…

Aniwae,a word of thanks to my brudder Kai for having given me the thought that in a frightening way,that I might just live out my life in the manner of Bruce Wayne a.k.a Batman!Yeah,you should have known by now my affections with the comic world.Well,in a sense my brudder might be right.I had the same observation coming from my manager just the other day…

Manager:(sighing)Jazi…I just don’t understand you.In one fleeting moment,you are my most enthusiastic and dynamic agent.You spur people into action.And then there are days,when you totally go silent,switching off your handphone and not being contactable for days.You brood at times.You are moody and temperamental.Do you have a problem?

Hijazi/Bruce Wayne/Batman:I am not too sure myself at times.I lack the reason or purpose to achieve things at times.

Manager:Look,if it’s girls that is bothering you,here’s a word.Get your riches.Girls care about that nowadays.You are nothing but a speck of mediocrity if you are not rich.Besides,you aspire to be a manager in 3 years time.I know you have the capability to achieve them.Look,you are my only agent with only O levels as your qualifications in this business while the rest are parading in diplomas and degrees.But you are street smart.Make that work for you.Forget about what others think about you.

Hijazi/Bruce Wayne/Batman:So you mean I should not give the slightest f**k about what they think about me?Gosh.That is gonna be hard!I care about others…(cough).

Manager:But do they?

Hijazi/Bruce Wayne/Batman:I guess you are right!It is not who I am underneath that matters now.It is what I do that will define me…BANZAIIIIIIIIIII!!!!!!!!!!

And so…I totally agree with my brudder’s keen obervation.I am Batman.

The best thing about the whole thing is…I am the only male in my agency!Aaaaargh!I am surrounded by boobs and mouths that will make any US invasion on an Arab country look like kid’s play.No kidding.I must strategise a way to actually combat the female of the species.In fact,every single day of my working life has been a battleground.My colleagues and manager alike have now been metophorically been transformed as super villains.Whatever!!!(smiling)

I spend last night opening up my box loads of letters.Those received and did not sent.Wow.What an epiphany.That’s why I advocate letter writing!It preserves an element of brutal honesty and frankness,coupled with endearing sincerety and a dash of innocence.When I do have a house of my own,I shall try to frame some of these letters as a form of reminder and testimonial as to the kinda person I had been and can be in the future years.I realised one thing though.I used to be a super sweet guy.Now…?I am a dastardly guy who bitches about women like there is no tomorrow.Then again I always emphasise that my generalisation of women are intended to be stereotypical.I have in my life,a few women whom I greatly admire and respect profoundly for their dignity and sense of womanhood.I have always respected woman.Exceptions are only for typical woman.

Heard this over the bus just yesterday…two schoolkids,girl and boy in the last row of a double deckered bus.I sat in front of them.

Girl and Boy:(quarelling)

Two minutes later…silence with dashes of kissing sound.

A miute later…

Boy:Will you suck?

Girl:Many people lah…

Me:Euuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuurghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

Years later….

Girl:Will you marry me?I am pregnant.

Boy:Can you please be discreet.Many people lah…

Well peeps…Captain Charisma gotta go for now.

ps:I applied for a job just for fun.As a book stacker at Jurong East Library.Morning shift.Don’t get me wrong…there was no better way to waste my morning time.Ehex!Besides,I love the library.I don’t mind working for free aniwae.

ps:The Batman connection and revelations ends here.I do not want people knowing just what I normally do at night.I might just put some typical ‘Matz’ signing as police officers out of their jobs.Aniwae,one of my cousin just signed on as a Cisco officer.Guess what followed?An engagement of course…

As my brudder and I always observe…you are either a Cisco,technician or nothing at all.Girls dig man who either screw or get screwed…

Here goes the drumroll…

Firstly,my warmest congratulations to that special someone for having found your special someone. You shared your happy news and I am sharing my happiest-whatever-mixed-feelings I have with you too.~winkz~It will probably take me 2 years to understand what was messaged to me…another 2 years to let it sink in…another 2 years to cope with it…another 2 years to cry over it and perhaps another light years to forget it.

But of course…Life is always a tragedy.Or rather,comic tragedy in my case.

I think I shall start a company soon.One which teaches participants how to write letters.Yups…a workshop based company that teaches you to make handwritten letters complete with hearfelt emotions to go with it. I will guide them over a course spanning years and years to help them rekindle romances in their lives.

Ika…thank you for reminding me how pathetically pathetic I am at times.Hahaha.And thank you for your thoughts too…that I am witty,brainy,hardworking,young and of course…so good looking.(Your lenses needs a bit of adjustments)

The past two weeks had been interestingly interesting.Soccerwise…I am irresistible.Over the last weekend,I helped my loved social team,Stamford FC,to a rousing 6-1 thrashing of a pathetically pathetic team.I scored two and made a hattrick of assists.I’m good!

Career…me?I am no 18 in Singapore now!!!Yipeeee….climbing up man!With 5 months to go to the closure of my financial year…it will be great to see my face in the newspaper next year!Hopefully!!!And I broke my career all time salary…I earned SGD$6K+++ last month,June!Hehehe.Siti Nurhaliza,here I come!Misha Omar,you are next!

Note to my darling:Don’t squeeze your pimples!!!

Gosh.I am lost now.I ain’t got anybody to write letters and cards to, anymore.

My thoughts these days have been on issues like…how pathetic Malay guys are.Me included of course!Gosh!Was introduced to the world of ’sachok mats’ and damn…do they disgust me.Just imagine this scenario…

My client,his friends and I went out for a drink recently.And these guys were harping on lotsa things,ranging from how to pick a girl to their dosages of sexcapades.They said I was such a stiff!When they were trying to pick on these two Malay so called low brained babes,I remained nonchalant and oblivious…coz I hate doing that!Eventually,their pursuits failed coz the girls didn’t give a hoot.Now this is the best part…when 2 of these ‘mats’ went to kinda picked on other girls…the two ‘babes’ came up to my table…and suprise,suprise…asked for my name.I swear to God that I was like…huh?The remaining two seated guys along with my clients went gasping.I gave my cards to these two girls,got myself introduced formally and the rest is history.Both of them ended on my bed…of prospects,who I will probably try to consult on financial planning!Hahaha.What a kill man!So ‘matz’,here’s the advice,stop the screwing and just be natural.Coz my manhood is not measured by the length…it’s in the capacity of intelligent charisma that counts!!!

ps:the above paragraph was solely intended for the ‘Matz’.

Gotta go…my cat is nibbling at my ear.Oh stop it…it’s a she cat by the way.The affections are there you see…oh stop it,I say.Meoooooooooooooooow….